How do I save him from beer

Yolanda wrote:

I have been married to my husband for two years now. Together for four years. We have a 18 month old baby boy.

But this still does not keep my husband from drinking. He will take our last dollar to buy beer. He has already had one dui. If I try to keep him from driving I am "controlling" I am really only looking out for him.

I want a husband who wants to be a family man but I feel he does not want the same things we fight all the time anymore. I know if he would get help for his drinking we would have a wonderful marriage I love him with all my heart but I don't know how much more I can take some of the fights end up very physical. On both of our parts.

I know I am very stubborn and I always say things I don't mean when I am angry but he just makes me so upset when he picks his friends and drinking over his family. Is it something wrong with me that we fight all the time he says I am always on his case. And that it is my fault that he drinks all the time?

I have tried ignoring the problem and not saying anything to him and that doesn't work all that ends up happening is all that built up angry comes out all at once. How can I help him and if not how do I find the courage to leave him I have no family no job and no where to go here? Please help me.

I'm desperate.

Dear Yolanda

Are you sure he's drinking "too much"? (Really the last dollar?)

Are you sure he cannot control it?

Does he refuse all help?

If they are all yesses, then you have no option but to leave him, for the child's sake, as well as your own.

I'd say stay if - and only if - he recognises there's a problem, and agrees to get help. Sounds like you both need counselling, if this marriage is too survive and thrive.

It may be that there are things you need to change; perhaps you have an anger problem. Perhaps you don't!

But that, from what you've said, is not the immediate issue, if it's an issue at all. The problem is the alcohol. And if he won't face that, you cannot help him, at this time.

Look around, see what help there may be, because you will need it, inside or outside of the marriage.

Think of the child. Good Luck.