Is honesty really the best policy?
I have a
best friend of 25 years who recently relayed to me that she thinks it best we
dont talk for "a while". She told me recently that because I havent
come to her new house, or met her for lunch, that she has to back off of our friendship...
for a while...
I can respect her feelings to the tenth degree, but don't
feel that it is my fault completely, as she has stated. We both are married, have
children, both of our youngest are 18, yet still in school. My child still is
at home, but her ex has her children. I explained to her months ago that due to
some things that her husband does to her, and has done in the past, that I dont
have an objective opinion anymore toward him, and that if she and him continue
to have the same problems, and she wants to talk to me about them, to remember
what I have told her. I also apologiezed, in advance, that I probably wont be
visiting much due to the way I felt, and thought it best not to be around him.
As far as the lunches, I explained in advance that though I enjoy spending
my lunch hour with her, I did not enjoy listening to her and her husband talk
on the cell phone for my lunch hour. (which is what she would do every time).
I respect completely her relationship with her husband, but have a hard time being
around him, again, due to some pretty bizzare things he has done to her. Now she
says that I never go to lunch with her anymore, that it is impossible for her
to arange "girl time", and that I have not come to her house in months...
All of this is true, but I think being honest with her about my feelings
months ago, would have avoided her not understanding. When I got her email telling
me we shouldnt talk for a while, I told her that I could respect her feelings,
and to let me know when "awhile" is up. Not trying to be insensitive,
just respecting her feelings. I guess what I am asking is should I have done things
differently, and if so how? I have always tried to the best of my ability to be
honest about my feelings, and to resect others feelings as well.
if I did the right thing
Looks to me like you did
the right thing, for the wrong reasons. You've gone over and over this, and decided
you were right because she was wrong ... But the blame culture never got anyone
Step back a little, and take a look. You do not respect her because
she puts up with too much; she does not respect you, because you do not stand
up to her - when she pushes, you apologise. You don't like each other very much,
you have problems with her family. You don't need each other.
Face it, this
friendship is over. Move on. Send Christmas cards if that makes you feel better
... but move on.