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Is honesty really the best policy?

Ursula wrote:

I have a best friend of 25 years who recently relayed to me that she thinks it best we dont talk for "a while". She told me recently that because I havent come to her new house, or met her for lunch, that she has to back off of our friendship... for a while...

I can respect her feelings to the tenth degree, but don't feel that it is my fault completely, as she has stated. We both are married, have children, both of our youngest are 18, yet still in school. My child still is at home, but her ex has her children. I explained to her months ago that due to some things that her husband does to her, and has done in the past, that I dont have an objective opinion anymore toward him, and that if she and him continue to have the same problems, and she wants to talk to me about them, to remember what I have told her. I also apologiezed, in advance, that I probably wont be visiting much due to the way I felt, and thought it best not to be around him.

As far as the lunches, I explained in advance that though I enjoy spending my lunch hour with her, I did not enjoy listening to her and her husband talk on the cell phone for my lunch hour. (which is what she would do every time). I respect completely her relationship with her husband, but have a hard time being around him, again, due to some pretty bizzare things he has done to her. Now she says that I never go to lunch with her anymore, that it is impossible for her to arange "girl time", and that I have not come to her house in months...

All of this is true, but I think being honest with her about my feelings months ago, would have avoided her not understanding. When I got her email telling me we shouldnt talk for a while, I told her that I could respect her feelings, and to let me know when "awhile" is up. Not trying to be insensitive, just respecting her feelings. I guess what I am asking is should I have done things differently, and if so how? I have always tried to the best of my ability to be honest about my feelings, and to resect others feelings as well.

Wondering if I did the right thing

Dear Ursula,

Looks to me like you did the right thing, for the wrong reasons. You've gone over and over this, and decided you were right because she was wrong ... But the blame culture never got anyone very far.

Step back a little, and take a look. You do not respect her because she puts up with too much; she does not respect you, because you do not stand up to her - when she pushes, you apologise. You don't like each other very much, you have problems with her family. You don't need each other.

Face it, this friendship is over. Move on. Send Christmas cards if that makes you feel better ... but move on.

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