get very very jealous and abusive
I have a quiet
life with my work, and my post graduation studies at a local university. I met
my girlfriend more than a year ago, and have managed to stay together till now.
Both of us have been through a string of unsuccessful relationships, and being
together has been the best thing that has happened till now.
There is nothing
wrong in our relationship except the fact that I am very possessive and jealous
about her. I mean whenever she talks about any other guy, or chats with anyone
other than a girl, I get very very jealous and abusive (i.e verbally).
is affecting our relationship and we both fear that this will lead to total destruction
of something very beautiful that we share. She has tried to reason out with me
time and again, and I have understood, but that has effect only for a couple of
days. and then I revert to being the same animal!!!
Please help me in some
way, Ilove this woman, and want to be with her for the rest of my life, and so
Jealousy is a terrible, terrible thing,
and it will destroy the relationship if you let it. She is being remarkably patient,
but she is only human, and your behaviour will wear her down.
That's the bad
news. The Good News is that jealousy can be beaten, and I believe you can do it.
Why am I so confident? Because you have recognised that the problem is entirely,
completely and utterly yours. many think they've admitted that, but there's a
little suggestion somewhere that 'maybe if she behaved differently ...'. Full
marks for courage and honesty; you've made a major first step.
The second step
is to understand why you get jealous; it's not about how you feel about her, but
how you feel about yourself. You have a great relationship with a beautiful woman,
and you feel, at some level, that you don't deserve it. Nice way to feel; gives
you a buzz that an average joe got the gal! You are not alone. But you are taking
humility too far, and have decided (consciously or not) that you don't deserve
her, and it's only a matter of time before you lose her ... and your subconscious
is trying to prove you right!
The third step is to understand that your lack
of self respect and self esteem is messing up your life - and so you are punishing
her for it!
Without knowing you, it's hard to know exactly where you are, and
what your next step must be. But once you can rationally discuss all this with
your girlfiend, then your recovery can start.
You may need to seek professional
help; now, or if you cannot take control of yourself. Keep that option open, and
discuss this with your girlfriend too.
You may be able to do some exercises
in self recognition; your mirror can be your friend. But you may need to be more
assertive in public.
Improve your eye contact; walk taller; dress more smartly;
all these things force you to be more self-aware, but less self obsessed (look
outward, not inward). You may be very shy, a bit of a loner; if that's you, try
to think about your own social circle. Doing things in fours, with trusted friends,
Finally, be proactive - don't wait until you burst, talk about the
problem before it's a problem, not just to apologise!