Can Pornography Be OK?

Ursula wrote:

In all your responses to pornography issues in relationships, you seem to make it very clear that porn is completely o.k. and I disagree. My boyfriend use to frequently watch porn, matter of fact, I think he had an addiction to it. How is that healthy for a relationship?

My therapist once told me that in all her years as a therapist she has never seen porn bring anything good to a relationship. It brings a lot of hurt and alot of other problems.

Besides, if porn isn't anything unhealthy, then why do we forbid our children from it when their young if its ok when their older?

My question is this: Can you tell me how pornography is o.k. in a relationship if it hurts your significant other?

Dear Ursula

I have no recollection of ever having said that pornography is OK; and I have frequently discussed the harm it can do in a relationship.

What I have said, is that if your man uses pornography, he is unlikely to change, so you need to decide whether to live with it, or walk away.

And that is rather different.

As it happens, there are couples who do enjoy pornography together, and find it improves their sex lives, and does no harm to anybody ... so you might like to consider that it is not necessarily pornography that is either good or evil, but the fact that people have different views on it. I know of a marriage that split up because the man loved pigeons, and would not stop his hobby for his wife; I've heard of relationships splitting up over all sorts of issues and addictions.

But there is no doubt that if one partner loathes or fears pornography, and the other is addicted, then there is a major problem. And I have never, ever, said otherwise.

I'm sorry that you therapist is 'taking sides' on this issue; she obviously has little experience and less training. While I am here to give my view (which you asked for, but do not have to agree with!), Your therapist has a rather different job.

As for children and porn - do you seriously expect me respond to such a silly point? My advice here is do not have children until you are sure you can protect them - and not only from porn.