Non-Sharing Relationship

Bernard wrote:

I am a 34 year old male from NY. Four days will mark my fifth anniversary with Kristy. We have two beautiful children and I couldnt love the three of them any more than I do. Besides work, I try to make every minute of my life revolve around them.

The one thing that causes a problem is going places. She won't do things that I like to do. Please understand, I have become accustomed to certain things. I like to go out to dinner once a week, or to a ball game once a month, or to visit close relatives every few months. Though she would never stop me, she will also never participate. I would like to do these things with her, but she will not, ever. Not even once. I have agreed to compromise. I have gone as far as telling her that if she did each of these things, even once a year, it would make me happy.

The attitude that she has is basically "I do not want to do these things, therefore I will not do them. I believe that I am being treated unfairly.

My questions to you are Am I?, and if so how do I address this, because talking or reaching out to her always ends up in a fight.

Dear Bernard

Do grow up. If she asked you to join a knitting class, would you? If she asked you to do half the things she does, would you?

Of course not. This is not about participation, it's about obedience and power, isn't it?

You do not own her; stop bullying her and spend a little time trying to establish what you do have in common. You haven't mentioned what she DOES like to do wth her time, which suggests you are not really interested. If you really care, then GET interested.