He doesn't want me sexually

Nerakp wrote:

We have been together for eight years and we're due to be married in November. Over tha past two years, we have both had a lot on our plates with moving home, house renovating, money worries.

Both of our sex lives took a dive for a while but for the past year I've been back on track, but my partner hasn't.even in the previous year to that I found myself going to him more than him coming to me. He doesn't even want to kiss or cuddle. He can just sit there poker straight when I go to him for an intimate cuddle/moment.

We have spoken about the problem and he knows how I feel -rejected, unloved, lack of intimacy. I have tried being humerous about it, I've tried talking seriously about it. I feel that we are heading into big trouble as I don't want a sexless marriage and his lack of interest in changing the situation is not a good place for a marriage to start. I've tried suggesting having intimate evenings together, not even having to have sex, but after one or two, he loses interest even though we both had a great time. He says maybe he's getting old. He's 33 and so am I, and thats why his interest has slipped.

I am so frustrated , am I fooling myself in going ahead with the marrige? We do love each other, and get on very well, but I don't need just a buddy, I want a lover who wants me and he doesn't seem to anymore.

Dear Nerakp

When you started planning to get married, I guess things were very different?

You cannot get married the way things are, unless you are content withe way things are. And you are not.

Do you think his behaviour may be connected with the marriage plans?

While you've clearly tried hard to face the problem, have you actually discussed what it means for the future?

If he cannot / will not take things forward, then you might consider a counsellor - he may feel less pressure that way.

But something has to change, doesn't it? And I suspect it's him - if he's seriously saying he's finished at 33, then either he is avoiding difficult / painful issues, or he needs help.