Do you think I can do better?

Mary wrote:

I dated this guy for a while and now he wants to come back into my life. He used to show up late for dates all the time and when I got angry he told me to shut up as there were lots of other women he could date.

Also he was mean with money and hardly ever bought himself new clothes (he always wore old clothes sometimes even with holes in them) and never bought me presents even though I bought him lots of things.

He was really intolerant and used to complain all the time about stupid things.

His brother was a drug addict and used to say perverted things to me sometimes and he would never stand up for me.

We booked a holiday and at the last minute he cancelled. I was so disappointed! Afterwards I went on a holiday myself and when I came back he told me that he missed me, we then went to a restaurant and afterwards back to my apartment where we slept together.

Afterwards he said that it was the sex that he missed. I was really hurt!

Also he kept telling me that I was lucky to have him and that I couldn't
find better than him. Do you think I can probably do better? I am quite pretty and have a good job and lots of friends. He dropped out of school at 14 and comes from the wrong side of town.

His family are not very honest. They bought claim invalid benefit even though there is nothing wrong with them and they work on the side. Also the reason he gave for leaving me were pathetic. He said that I was annoying him because I talked too loudly and criticized his driving and worried too much about stupid things. He has also left other girlfriend in the past for ridiculous reasons (one girlfriend who crashed her car and asked him to fix it and another girlfriend who forgot to bring her jacket with her on a night out and complained about the cold).

He smokes canabis. Do you think that smoking canabis would make him nasty/intolerant? Or do you think he has psychological problems? Do you think that I would be very foolish to give him a second chance? He is 23 and I am 27.

Dear Mary

Please re-read what you wrote.

I wouldn't be concerned about his poverty, that's not his fault; neither are his parents. I wouldn't even worry about his brother; the guy is a jerk, best ignored. Neither would I be too concerned about the cannabis; you may have views on that, but I doubt it is related to your issues.

But ...

You don't even like him! He's treated you like dirt, and he will do so again, because you'll let him.

Of course you can do better ... you'd find it fairly difficult to do much worse.