Starting a life with someone dying

LongBeach wrote:

I am currently faced with the biggest decision of my life.

I have been involved with someone online for two years, spending countless hours on the phone... we will be together very, very soon.

A little while ago we found out that my Fiancee has 12 months to live. I have come to terms with the fact that our relationship has an expiry date, that is unpreventable...

We talked about getting married and having children together.

I love my Fiancee with all my heart and soul...

We plan on getting married. We also plan on having a baby together. My friends tell me that it would be wrong to bring another child into this world without a father. (I am already a single mother to a 7 year old...) Having a baby together is something that we both want. He wants to give me the gift of a child so that he can be with me forever.

Is it wrong to have a baby to a man that I love, that I know is dying?

Is it selfish? Is it fair?

Dear LongBeach

It is not wrong to have a child with a man who may not be around to be a father - but that doesn't mean it's a sensible option.

As a single mom now, you know the difficulties you face; are you sure you can double it, and provide what your children need?

If you wanted the child for its own sake, who could object ... but no child should be a token of someone else.

He will live on in your heart. That's what counts. Putting that responsibility on a baby hardly seems fair!