Cure for Jealousy... NOT
You answered a previous email about the cure for inappropriate jealousy
as being "TOTAL HONESTY".
Well I just wanted to let you know that even total honesty will not
cure it when the person doesn't want it cured.
My partner started becoming jealous and insecure 6 months after we
started seeing each other, despite the fact that I have always been
100% honest with her in all areas (sometimes perhaps too honest).
I have been handling the last 12 months *exactly* as you suggested,
by being completely and totally open and honest about everything,
and all it has gotten me is more pain and suffering and the feeling
like I have been a complete and total bastard for no reason.
I have given up all my friends, I never do anything without her and
the one night a week she spends with her mother is the WORST night
of the week because the following day always ends in tears. First
I get several phone calls, I get 100 questions about every little
thing I do and even when I tell her everything I have done (which
usually means watching TV or sitting in front of the computer playing
a computer game) she still asks another 10 times "Is that all?".
I get phone calls in the middle of the night because she had a nightmare
about me cheating on her or hurting her... and I get a phone call
in the morning checking to see if I am there.
She wont talk to anyone, she says she is trying but justifies almost
everything she does with some poor excuse. If I even so much as make
a soft suggestion that her reasons for checking up on me may be undershadowed
by an insecurity I get anger.
So "Mr Amazing"... care to suggest how I can be any more
But, for the record, I don't recall ever suggesting that honesty
is a total cure for anything. How can it be?
Honesty is, however, an essential first step - a first step on the
road to sorting a problem, or, as in your case, a first step to seeing
that you cannot resolve it between you.
You've done all you can; it hasn't been enough. Stop torturing yourself
(and lashing out) and accept that.
Then decide if it is worth seeking outside help, or whether you actually
want to save the relationship.
To be honest, it doesn't sound as if you like her very much - is
the relationship just a duel now? And you don't say how it all started;
why would it start from nowhere, six months in?
Get help - or get out. Either would be an honest response to your
Please Note: I am NOT a physician, and any
'health advice' should NOT be taken to be "Medical Advice"
- because it is not - my aim is to give you a few possibilities to be
thinking about, and some general 'common sense' advice - if my advice
says see a doctor, then see a doctor!