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Sex, Lies and Wreckage

Tasha wrote:

I am a 28 year old woman. I married 4 years ago but we do not have real sex. I am afraid of sex. He is 31. He sometimes tries to force me to do it but not often. He is very shy, but I am not. I am very self-confident in my job and other relationships but not about sex.

Now we do oral and other sexes. I have a boyfriend, he has had some oral sex with me recently and does not know my problem. My husband is in another city now for his job. I did not want to marry him, my parents insisted. Since we live in an Islamic and Eastern country. I am very succesful in my job (I teach at the university) as before my marriage I was very active. But now I think I should solve this sooner.

My husband is kind but he is changing, I think. He did get my virginity by force but after that (4 years ago) we did not have real sex. My boyfriend has some girlfriends but talks with me about them and has more relation with me. He is 25 and is my student now. I know him since a year ago but since 4 or 5 months ago we slept together (5 or 6 times). Help me.

Dear Tasha

Well, you've really hit a hat trick here!

  1. You've disrespected your culture and your religion
  2. You've disrespected your husband
  3. You've disrespected yourself.

And for what? For a dirty little affair with a student, whom you share with others, and who you justify because he uses you more than the others. You wish!

You really need to help yourself. Do you care about your marriage, or the possibility of children? maybe not. Do you care about your family, culture and religion? maybe not.

What do you care about?

You've drifted into a marriage you don't want, with a man you loathe, and into a relationship you pretend satisfies you (Come On!!!). You have my sympathy to the extent that culture and family can seem too big to resist. But you either accept these decisons of others, and make them work - or you find the courage to get out. What you have done is neither; you've just pretended it isn't real.

No-one can help you without a clue as to what you want out of this mess.

Once you've made some tough decisions (maybe the first in years?), then you can move forward. But you are right to raise the issue; doing nothing cannot be an option for much longer.

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