Husband Propositioned Daughter

Mari wrote:

My husband and I have been together for ten years. Married for seven. I have three children from a previous marriage. I found out one week ago from my oldest daughter who is now 18 that when she was 14 he propositioned her.

We have had nothing but trouble from her since she was 13. She also told me he has given her marijuanna and alcohol and bought drugs from her friends, behind my back. I made him leave and have filed for divorce. He will not admit to anything and says that she is lying to get away with some bad behaviour we have been struggeling with.

I have talked with her friends and they confirm what she says, his younger sister tells me that my daughter told her about the propositioning incident two years ago. His family is enabeling him and calls my daughter a lier. He has used his position as a parent to control her and make her buy drugs for him.

All the while standing along side me and punishing her when she gets into trouble, some that he caused. Now we are divorcing and he is taking half of everything incuding our business. My only income.

How can I help my daugher and my two other children to get through this? Should I go to the authorities, its only his word against hers.

Dear Mari

If you believe your daughter - and you clearly do - then you owe it to her to have this out in the open. She has lived with this, and your support of her abuser, for four years. Hasn't she suffered enough? She cannot move on without some attempt at closure, I suspect.

And you want justice too, don't you?

From what you say, there are plenty of witnesses, and I wonder why you didn't go to the police when you first split from your husband.

Do it now.

Even if you don't believe your daughter , the matter is now so much in the open, that there's no easy future without proper investigation.