I am in a relationship of about 4 years. When we first got together,
everything was great. Then he moved in, just showed up at MY house with
all his stuff. After about a year, he started to put me down (in a joking
way) and I really didn't think too much about it.
About 6 months later, he lost his job, because "everyone is against
me". He then proceeded to sponge off me, and I didn't say anything
because I loved him.
Shortly thereafter, he started to get very verbally abusive. He started
to scream at me for no reason, everything is my fault, I'm a lazy B----,
etc. At first, and for a long time, I actually believed him! Then two
years ago, he started to cheat on me. I told him to give her up, or leave.
(He actually did), but the verbal abuse escalated.
He then has progressed to not only screaming and demeaning me, but has
spit in my face, kicked me (no marks of course), pulled my hair, pushed
me, and when I told him to leave, and threatened to call the police, he
told me "you'll be dead before they get here"!
I am very afraid of this man. He refuses to leave my home. I think he
is now suspicious of my intent to force him to leave, so he is very careful
to not threaten or hurt me. He is also very careful not to leave any more
abusive messages on my voice mail (in fact, got into my cell phone and
deleted all abusive messages).
I have no proof he is abusive. It's his word against mine. Even though
this is my home, it is his place of residence. I can't file a civil protection
order without proof. I really don't want to anger him by having him escorted
out with police support. I am afraid he will come back and hurt me. I
recently got into legal issues, because I was abusing drugs because of
I am now on probation. I have sought help for this problem, and am now
drug free, and intend to stay that way, he's not worth it. He is now making
money, and refuses to give me any. We were engaged, and I called that
HE WON'T LEAVE!!!!! How can I get him to go?
I regret there's no short cuts, no easy way ... you just have to pluck
up your courage, and go to the police. First get all the support you can,
then go see them - not at a crisis, but calmly at a time of your choosing.
Stop making things easy for him - don't give him passwords etc.,
It's not going to be easy - but either you act against him, or you'll
leave with nothing, if you leave at all.