Abusive Boyfriend

Natalie wrote:

I am in a relationship of about 4 years. When we first got together, everything was great. Then he moved in, just showed up at MY house with all his stuff. After about a year, he started to put me down (in a joking way) and I really didn't think too much about it.

About 6 months later, he lost his job, because "everyone is against me". He then proceeded to sponge off me, and I didn't say anything because I loved him.

Shortly thereafter, he started to get very verbally abusive. He started to scream at me for no reason, everything is my fault, I'm a lazy B----, etc. At first, and for a long time, I actually believed him! Then two years ago, he started to cheat on me. I told him to give her up, or leave. (He actually did), but the verbal abuse escalated.

He then has progressed to not only screaming and demeaning me, but has spit in my face, kicked me (no marks of course), pulled my hair, pushed me, and when I told him to leave, and threatened to call the police, he told me "you'll be dead before they get here"!

I am very afraid of this man. He refuses to leave my home. I think he is now suspicious of my intent to force him to leave, so he is very careful to not threaten or hurt me. He is also very careful not to leave any more abusive messages on my voice mail (in fact, got into my cell phone and deleted all abusive messages).

I have no proof he is abusive. It's his word against mine. Even though this is my home, it is his place of residence. I can't file a civil protection order without proof. I really don't want to anger him by having him escorted out with police support. I am afraid he will come back and hurt me. I recently got into legal issues, because I was abusing drugs because of the pain.

I am now on probation. I have sought help for this problem, and am now drug free, and intend to stay that way, he's not worth it. He is now making money, and refuses to give me any. We were engaged, and I called that off.!
HE WON'T LEAVE!!!!! How can I get him to go?

Dear Natalie

I regret there's no short cuts, no easy way ... you just have to pluck up your courage, and go to the police. First get all the support you can, then go see them - not at a crisis, but calmly at a time of your choosing.

Stop making things easy for him - don't give him passwords etc.,

It's not going to be easy - but either you act against him, or you'll leave with nothing, if you leave at all.

Good Luck.