I'm A Mess Of A Man
I can never remember considering myself anything but a failure. I'm just
so ready to give up, in a lot of ways I already have. There are so many
things that wear me down and I think they're all related. I am ugly as
sin, first off. I didn't used to think so, I just thought I was a long-haired
fat nerd, but hey, I lost 40 pounds and guess what? Turns out I'm Sloth
underneath all the jelly rolls.
Second, I am incapable of stringing together an engaging conversation
with a woman longer than, oh, say, five minutes or two sentences, whichever
comes first. I'm a failure at school too, to top it off. Despite my interest
in my major (college student) I can't seem to bring myself to move, even
when I know I need to. Normally I'd try to deal with all these things
on my own, but yesterday I got drunk, and for the first time since I strted
drinking I became a sour drunk. I've never had that happen before, so
it must be serious.
I've changed my lifestyle several times, I've tried getting help (kept
missing appointments, another problem of mine, horrible memory and a tendency
not to want to wake up, ever.) I know this is a long one, but I just need
to ask what other things I can try, what else I can do, because I'm sick
of getting angry everytime I see my picture or look in the mirror. I can't
afford to buy any more mirrors either.
You may (or may not) have a serious problem. Hard to be sure, because
you are wallowing in self pity to the point of drowning.
Point is, the problems you describe are so common they are boring - we've
all been there. You give no clue as to why it is worse for you. And you
are so abjectly lazy, you won't even let people help you.
So why write to me? What are you expecting, a miracle?
However bad things are, no-one can help you - no-one - unless you put
in just a bit of effort yourself. I'm not saying "Pull Yourself together"
I'm saying let people help you to pull yourself together.
Choose to move forward. Choose to get help. Choose to live.
Or quit whining. And stop buying mirrors - who needs them so long as
you can wash without them?