Our intimacy has been near zero

Brigid wrote:

I have been married for 18 years now. We had two babies that died before two months old.

I found out on my 10th wedding anniversary that my husband had hidden from me for one year the fact that he had an affair and fathered a child. At the time he wasent "sure" it was his, but the picture looked just like him and as soon as I saw it I knew it was his for sure.

Since that time our intimacy has been near zero!

Although I had two car accidents in the past two years, he hasn't even really tried except once. I could go on, but to sum it up, everything I say he takes wrong and gets angry. we seem to disagree on everything now and I just don't know what to do.

What's your take on it? Would you try to save it? He won't talk to me at all now because of a disagreement - he says he has nothing to say to me.

I am feeling so hurt right now and confused.

Dear Brigid

It sounds like your marriage has been over for 8 years. You don't tell me your reaction to his infidelity, so I cannot tell whether you have forgiven him, or spent 8 years punishing him.

It matters!

If you want to save the marriage (Do you?), then I strongly suggest professional counselling, as the damage is deep and has festered for years.

There's no short answer to this one.