My Best Friend

Nancy wrote:

I have this really close friend. I think you could really honestly say that she is my best. I love her as if she were my sister, and I would do almost anything for her, and stop at nothing to help her.

I know she cares about me too, because when it really counts she's there. But other times I can not stand her. We get in arguments all the time.

Most of the arguments seem to me to be mostly her fault. See, my friend is really blunt, and she feel that she doesn't have to justify it, becase that's "just the way she is." She feels that by being just a little bit more tactful than truthful, would be lying to herself.

She will also never say sorry, and she causes arguments constantly. I am a really easy-going person, and I think she sometimes takes advantage of it, even though I doubt she knows it. She will hang up on me one night, when I really need to talk to her, or really need her advice, and expects me to be "over it" by lunchtime at school the next day.

She means a lot to me, and I've tried talking to her about how I feel, but I think she believes I take things way too seriously. But we are literally always in some kind of disagreement, the good times are just the brief moments in between, but they are so great and special, that I don't want to just let our friendship die.

I don't know what to do, it's like she isn't capable of feeling guilt at all. nothing is EVER her fault-nothing. Do I take things too seriously, maybe it's just me.

What's your advice?

Dear Nancy

It really is hard to be sure whether you are too uptight, or she's too stroppy; it would be interesting to hear her views!

However, it is clear that she does not respect you or your opinions, and I have to question whether this really is a friendship at all.

Friendship isn't, unless it is between two equals. And this sounds like a bully (yes, she'd be mortified. But she is), and someone who is rather to dependant on someone else's power.

Longer term, you need to question whether a friendship exists; short term, you need to spendkless time with her, more on your own, and maybe notivce some other folk. You never know, when she sees that she's not the Sun in your universe, she may come to Earth ... but don't hold your breath!