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Am I too friendly?

BJ wrote:

I have always been an upbeat friendly person. I am involved with a divorced thirty-year-old man. He claims that I am too friendly with men, (especially attractive ones).

When we go out I say hello to everyone. When we discussed the situation, he wants me to quit 'flirting' with men. For twenty-eight years, I have been this friendly, with many friends to show for it. His ex-wife cheated and left him for another man. I am afraid his insecurities from his divorce are being revealed as jealousy in our relationship. His jealousy makes me feel I need to stifle myself to make him feel better.

I need some suggestions on how to deal with him, and what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior with jealousy? If I am patient will his insecurities dwindle when he sees I am not like his ex?

Dear BJ

No.

It won't get better without a change of attitude all round. He sees this as your behavioural problem. But you describe it as a jealousy problem - his problem.

If you are right - and your story sounds pretty convincing! - nothing will improve until he recognizes this as HIS problem.

He - or both of you - may benefit from counselling; but first have a serious discussion, not about an incident, but about jealousy as a destroyer of relationships.

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