Meant to be together

Katie wrote:

I have a problem. Let me give you some background here... I was with my boyfriend for four years and I wasn't happy because I wasn't growing, so I broke up with him even though I love him very much and wanted to get married.

After the breakup, I listened to other people instead of listening to my heart and I hurt him very much, and the two months that we were apart, I became someone I didn't want to be. But even though he was there for me I pushed him away several times, hurting him each time.

Now that we are back together, he says that he doesn't want to trust me again, and how will he know that I won't leave him again? I have talked it out with him and listened, and have done things to reassure him that I love him, like sending flowers, cards, and other little things.

What I don't know is, how can I help to make things better between us? I know I was in a bad state of mind when I pushed him away, and to him I left him when he really needed me most, and that I don't love him that I did that. The thing is, even though the bad stuff happened, it only made me realize that we were meant to be together, but he doesn't see that. How can I show him that we are meant to be together and ease some of the doubts in his mind?

Dear Katie

Until you can understand why you destroyed the trust, you'll have problems rebuilding it.You give no details of your behaviour during your 'bad state of mind', so it's hard to say that you won't get another one.

What is very clear is that not only have you no clue as to your boyfriends farmwe of mind, you really have little interest. It's all about you, this life, isn't it?

But it's not, really. You don't say why you are so desperate to get married, but it strikes me that a more logical order would be

1. Trust
2. Love
3. Marriage

Start thinking about him; why would he want to marry you? A clue is that he is still around, despite your selfishness.

So there is hope.