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Eunice wrote:

I'm dating someone that is 5 years older than I am. I care for him and as far as I know, he cares (a lot) about me.

To get straight to the point... I'm still a virgin but I don't want to be one anymore. It's not like I feel pressured to lose my virginity, it's just that mentally (and physically), I believe I am ready to handle the responsibility.

I know he has had sex with his past girlfriends and that he's not a virgin, which kind of scares me a bit; to explain, I know that he has experience in this "field" so to speak. I'm just afraid that if I have sex with him, I won't know what to do... since I'm a little ol' virgin, I don't know how to act and I wouldn't know what to say or do.

How can and should I act if I do choose to lose my virginity with him, or any man? Are you supposed to just "go with the flow" or something? He knows that I'm a virgin, so should I just talk it over with him, how I feel about the whole thing? Does my needing reassurance prove that I really am not ready yet?

Please help!!! I feel confused and I need some answers before I make any wrong decisions...


Dear Eunice

I don't think there are any rules .. except those agreed between you and your partner. It's important to discuss not just the event, but also your anxieties, which sound eminently sensible to me. You say you are not under pressure, and I've no reason to doubt you ... but be sure you are not competing with ghosts from the past; if he does really care, I promise you he'll be willing to wait until you are sure.

Your boyfriend needs to understand that you might change your mind at very short notice, and he might need to talk you through it ... whatever suits.

Once you've started to talk it over, I think you'll know whether you can trust him - and that's rather important.

Don't forget to discuss contraception.

Oh, and one little passion killer for you ... Do be sure where the relationship is going before you even think about it!

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