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Jealous of Time Spent With Mum

Nimsy wrote:

I think my husband is jealous of the time I spend with my mother. Aside from him,my mother is my best friend and always has been. She lives about 20min away, and I go to see her about once to twice a week.

My husband is always grumpy and complaining when he knows that I have been to see her. He says that I spend too much time with her. I don't understand why.
I don't leave things unattended to at home(like cleaning, or cooking, or anything urgent). I often ask him if there is anything that he knows about that needs attention before I go. He only comes up with odd projects that are not urgent. Example: waxing my skis!

I certainly don't go to visit her when he is home (on his day off, or when he is home from work). I don't understand this behavior. I don't know what to do to make him happy, but also keep my freedom. I think he feels unimportant to me. But, I try hard to do things that are just for him. I also tell him
often that he is very important to me. What should I do?

Dear Nimsy,

If it really is a mother-in-law problem, there may well be no solution; it's not at all uncommon for each to feel threatened by the other, with or without reason, and their solution is a human one of wanting you to choose - and why should you? Not for pride, or stupidity, but because you are entitled to a mother, and a husband. So there!

It's an interesting fact that 90% of people late for work blame traffic or public transport problems, whereas only 30% of lateness is actually due to those reasons.

Similarly, "In Laws" get the blame for many marriage problems that they have little to do with, directly, if at all.

What you haven't said, is what your husband's relationship is with her.

This matters, because he may feel you are 'using' Mother- in -law, just to make him suffer, especially if you come back pointing out his errors and faults.

On the other hand, you might be using her for moral support, because you feel he doesn't respect you. And while you may be right, that way out can never solve the problem.

So, to summarize, either there really is no solution - just explain that she's your mother, and no threat. Or, if that isn't the problem, work out what is.

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