Confused About Lesbian Love

Lorna wrote:

I have long been longing to ask advice from someone. I hope you could shed some light to my problem. I am confuse about the feelings I have for this person.

I have never ever look for some other woman before but Kat is different. I thought my feelings for her was over three years ago when I ended our relationship of about two months. Yes, just two months. I ended it because of the reason that I don't really think I'm a lesbian.

God knows I'm not. But she's different. For three years we have tried to avoid each other but just last month we met in a party and got close again. And now I'm starting to have doubts again. I really think that I love this person but I cannot for obvious reasons.

Sexually, we are not compatible. I'm a woman who longs for a man's touch. But there's this one time that we sat together and barely talked to each other but for me I think that was the best conversation that I ever had. We were silent but there were some sort of communication between us.

She's seeing another woman now and I am currently seriously dating some guy. I just cannot see both of us together again but I really do think we are soulmates. If there's one person that I would like to be holding hands with when Im like really old. It would be her. What do you think does that make me? Help!

Dear Lorna,

You'll never know, if you continue to let your 'lesbian phobia' stand between you and her. Your relationship between you and her is not defined by any one word, especially if that word produces negative feelings for you.

If you were together for two months, then you should know each other well enough to be able to discuss your feelings with her.

Remember that she is entitled to her feeling too, and you may have damaged what you had, by ending it the way you did. Remember too, that you might hurt the 'other woman', not to mention 'some guy' that you are 'seriously dating'.

So do explore your own feelings first; if your relationship is one way, then you need to seek help to establish your sexual and human identity; you may or may not be a lesbian, who knows - but they don't bite (well, not too painfully, anyway).