Marriage On The Rocks?

Terry wrote:

I have been married for 24 great loving years 4 children, then out the blue my wife decides she is no longer in love with me.

We are both 42 years of age, we both have never been involved with another persons ever. I don't drink or beat my wife I am a very homely person, I cook, I perform every day house old dutys around the home. But I have have to admit I have been distant from my wife over the past year, spending to much time on my PC and workin constant nights, but I am still very much in love with my wife and it is hurting me so badly.

At the moment we have decided to live apart and see how her feelings may change for me I have my doubts she ever will, she is being so distant toward me not wanting me to see or call her. She says she needs space but it is all getting to much for me I am not handling the situation very well, my wife is in my thoughts every minute of the day it is very hard to get on with my every day life, very, very hard .......

Dear Terry

But what have you done about it?

While I can sympathize with you feeling sorry for yourself, and feeling guilt about the past, that is not going to change anything.

It would probably help you to at least understand what went wrong; was it really out of the blue, or had you been drifting apart for years?

Do you have any shared interests, or have you been living solo lives since the kids stopped being small?

And do you really want her back? Is this guilt and loneliness - after all, by your own admission, you didn't take a lot of notice of her - or do you really care.

You need to talk with her; explain that you just want to understand if it's really over, or if there's something you could do ... if she has any wish to try, I'd suggest that the gapo is so big, that you'll need some sort of counselling.

But first, think about what you really want - and, hey, why not think about what she really wants, too?