My Story Is Definitely Different
It has been over a year since my friendship with a gay man has ended.
We met about five years ago and our friendship eventually evolved into
being "Best Friends". We did everything together ... everything
but have sex.
We'd go primitive camping at least twice a year, exercise at the gym,
jog at the park, and take mini vacations.
He'd stay with me on weekends from Friday night until Sunday. We'd party
hard and sleep in late. He enjoyed sleeping over and enjoyed that I'd
cuddle and spoon with him. We had become very close and mentally intimate.
We were essentially connected at the hip.
To make a very long story short...
Our friendship ended very harshly the night we had decided to continue
partying and follow my friend to his house.
It was around 2:30AM when we all drove away from the club.
I arrived at my friends house and became very worried and presumed that
my best friend had gotten lost following us or maybe took a wrong turn
in the neighborhood. After all we had been drinking and were tired from
dancing. One hour later, he called my cell phone. He told me that he was
trapped because he had gone to his buddy's house instead and his buddy
had fallen asleep. I asked him where he was and I offered to go and get
him. He responded, "I'll call you back ... no ... let me see if I
can wake him up ... I'll call you back"
I waited for three hours! and never got a call. So, I called his friend's
cell and asked for him. His friend told me: "He's with some boy,
he went to this boy's house and then went to go and pick up his car!"
Needless to say, I was angry because I really was worried and I wanted
to spend time with him that evening.
Finally I drove to his house and asked him straight out: "Where
were you...Why didn't you call me back? I waited three hours for you to
call me back!"
His response was a lie. I told him that I knew he was lying and that
he was a liar and a whore. We didn't speak for six months until one Saturday
night we ran in to each other. He apologized telling me that he was sorry
for hurting me, that he loved me, and missed me.
The next day I called him and left him a message suggesting that it would
be nice to have coffee and clear the air...ya' know.. have closure
Anyway, we had arranged for a time and date to meet. He told me that
I'd have to pick him up from work because he had sold his car. I told
him to just give me a call when he was off and I'd be happy to pick him
He never called ... and I waited for an hour and a half again.
The following day I called his cell phone and left the following message:
"I just thought a coffee rendezvous would be fair to both of us.
So, don't worry about yesterday, whether you forgot or picked up some
trick or something really doesn't matter to me anymore! It's expected.
It was deja vu all over again. Do yourself a favor, please don't call
me, approach me or ever look me up in the future! Good Luck and Good Bye!"
Dearest Anon, it has been over a year since I left him that message and
I really feel terrible. I miss him immensely and I think about him almost
every day! I feel like I'm the one who should apologize for being so cruel.I've
thought about writing him a letter but I don't know where he lives and
I don't think that it would be a good idea to send a letter to his work.
I'm very sad because I know that I'm the one who instructed him to never
contact me again. I believe that he may not want me to ever contact him
again or maybe he feels the same way I did.
I would greatly appreciate your opinion and advise ... what should I
First, you need to look to your motives. I must say that I read guilt
and regret in your words ... but I cannot find any real concern for his
feelings. If it's simply closure that you seek, then leave him alone;
you've hurt him enough - from what you've said, all he ever did is tell
one tiny lie in the face of aggressive cross examination (And who has
never done that?). Everything else seems to have followed from your self-admittedly
Second, if the friendship was as pure as you claim, how dare you be jealous
of his sex life? Do examine your sexual feelings. It may be that your
friendship was deep enough to arouse ownership feelings you never envisioned
in yourself and a man. Unfortunate ... but not his fault.
Third, the friendship has gone. Live with it. You might make peace, and
if you want to for his sake, go for it ... but you won't reclaim the magic.
So learn and live with it, and move on. Guilt rarely helps anyone.