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Bisexual Insecurity

Tansin wrote:

I am a bisexual, and I like this girl from February till now... the worse thing is that she's actually my classmate! That means I see her everyday. And from what I asked, she's a bisexual. She knows that I'm one too.

We have this play-play "relationship" where I'm her "husband" and she's my "wife". But she doesn't know the truth that I actually take it seriously. One time, my friend had told her that I liked her, and she said that she was very confused, and that she doesn't want to lose this friendship.

Rumours have been spreading that she likes me and that I like her too(which is true), and people think that we don't dare to confess anything. Other classmates even tried to matchmake us together. And even after she knows that I like her, she still acts normal, still treats me like her "husband", and still flirts with me.

I tried to give her up many times, but I just couldn't, I see her face everyday and talk to her everyday. I really cannot forget her. Please help me ...

Dear Tamsin

Regardless of sexual orientation, you cannot live out a relationship in pretence - or though other people.

She's either interested or not, and only you and she can sort that out. By talking sensibly to each other.

There is a risk - there's always a risk - that trying to move the relationship on might destroy what you have. Which would be a shame.

So, minimise that risk.

  • How sure are you about your own sexual stance?
  • And how experienced?
  • How sure of her sexual stance?
  • And her experience?
  • What clues that she wants more than friendship?
  • How have you communicated that you want more?
  • How did she react?
  • How difficult has it become, involving other friends?
  • Are you really prepared to risk your friendship?

And so on. The key question is probably:

  • How real, how much fantasy?

Only you know the answers!

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