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She is engaged to be married

Carlos wrote:

My best friend and I have recently discovered that we have real deep feelings for each other. The problem is, she is engaged to be married next year and already has a 2-year-old daughter.

Early in our friendship, she once told me that her pregnancy with this man was a result of her parents' disapproval of their relationship and this was how she ended up acting out against them.

Her parents then told her that she shouldn't feel forced to marry this man just because he is the father of her child; their reasoning was two wrongs don't make a right. However, she doesn't want to put her
daughter through the complexities of visitations, child support, and so forth thus she decided that she would force herself to love him even though she admits that if they never had a daughter together, there's no
way she would stay with him.

I don't know what to do now and I'm starting to feel guilty of ruining what she was trying to make work. Should I drop the friendship cold-turkey so she can concentrate on her future husband or should I stick around? This may be my delusional feelings talking but I feel like I can save her?

Dear Carlos,

Let's see if I have this straight ... she got pregnant to spite her parents, and she's choosing to marry the father, even though she really doesn't care - but she can't be bothered to deal with the isuues of supporting the child.

She's already being being unfaithful to this man, and you feel you can save her.

You feel that by interfering in her selfish stupidity you can save her?

From what? For what? So you'll feel good?

Listen, chum, you cannot save anyone who doesn't want saving, whether they're on drugs, booze, gambling or pure ego.

If she shows any sign of wanting help - and being willing to help herself too - then help her. Else get well away before she destroys you too.

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