Why Do Men Lie?

Kelly wrote:

I have been dating someone for 8 months that I feel cares a lot about me. (Or at least that is what he says.)

Even though we have not committed because of some issues with his previous relationship(s), he treats me as if we're in a relationship at times yet reserves the right at times to pursue other options. For example, he wants to talk to me daily, and see me frequently, yet when his pattern stops I get suspicious.

I feel that I am a steady but he is still pursuing other women. He doesn't want me to see anyone else however. I FEEL THAT HE TAKES ME FOR GRANTED!

I have started calling him only if I am returning his calls. I have started going out on the weekends since he is always with his buddies etc. He will call me 2-3 times a night from wherever he is to makes plans to see me just to keep me waiting for hours on him. I immediately confronted that issue and ceased that kind of dating. Now it seems he calls me on the weekend to find out what I am doing or where I am.

He will make plans to see me in 30 minutes that eventually ends up 2,3,4 hours later. Saturday night, I went out on a date with a friend. He called me twice within 2 hours. When I returned home, I checked my Caller ID. I returned his call. He claims he was out with his best guy friend at a family housewarming party 45 minutes outside of town. He asked me if he could come by. Even though, I had a second date, I cancelled and told him sure! He told me he would be there in 45 minutes max. I assumed we were going out on the town. He called me 1 hour later and told me that some other family members had come by and that he was going to be at least another hour or so but he would call me to let me know when he would be by. Thirty min I decided to go by his house unannounced. He was at his house, not answering his phones, and another car with sorority tags was in my parking space. I rang the doorbell twice. He answered. I said to him " I thought you were 45 min outside of town." He tells me that he had just made it back in. I asked why was he not answering his phones, I had called 4 times from his driveway. He paused. I asked why would you make plans with me and keep me waiting when you obviously had plans with someone else. I asked if I could meet his company. He didn't say anything. I said I thought you were with your guy buddy. He didn't say anything! I said I don't care if you are seeing other people, even though he has always told me that he wasn't. That we were monogamous and that he wasn't dating anyone else. I explained that my issue was that he would make plans with me and keep me waiting when he had other plans all the time. I asked was I his back up plan if this cutie didn't work out. He insults me and says, "I shouldn't have come by his house unannounced and if I touched his car or house, he would call the police." I told him that it was not that serious and to have a GOOD NIGHT! I never raised my voice or made him feel threatened in any way. I smiled and walked away very ladylike and left.

What Just Happened! I thought we were headed for a wonderful relationship. Should I give up! I don't know if I can ever trust him. I had the utmost respect and trust for this person. He always seemed to be honest with me in the past. He seemed to be elated every time we were together. Why in the world would he lie? What should I do now? I need some answers from him! I feel disrespect and hurt and like a back up girl!

Dear Kelly

He sounds like a total jerk to me, and I really wonder why you are bothering.

OK, so he had you fooled, and you've come down with a bump - but don't make it worse with all this respect stuff - he's been using you, and - for a while - you chose to let him.

Maybe you thought he'd change, but I'm afraid jerks tend to stay that way, they just get to smell a bit.

Why do men lie? Because they think you'll let them, not because they think you'll believe them.

Move on - respect yourself, who needs respect from a slug?