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Unable to have sex

Jemma wrote:

I'm 25 years old and have married a month back but unable to have sex. Either my vagina is very small or his penis is thick or may be both.

My vagina's width is less then an inch and his penis's diameter is approx 1.5 inches. We have tried several times and now from the last few unsuccessful tries he gets angry which makes me feel guilty but I can't help it.

He stimulates me enough so there is always enough lubrication there and from last few tries we have also started using the gel. Whenever we try I tighten my muscles and unable to loose (open) my legs so the
position we use is my legs perpendicularly upwards and joined
together. Whenever we try to do it I get so tense that it tightens my leg and hips muscles and moves a lot as feels pain.

I accept the fact that my tolerance level to bear pain is very bad, that an injection in my arms makes me close my eyes. First we have tried using condoms (as planning) and few times with out it but with out condoms only 1 inch is inserted so no use removing condoms either.

This is our love marriage (he is one year older then me) and we were so much excited for all this but now I am so disappointed that may be we won't be able to do it ever, as hurts a lot to me.

Please help me out I am very upset and don't know what to do.

Dear Jemma

While your vagina may be 'small', never forget that it can stretch easily to allow a baby to pass through - though not without pain!

It is almost certain that the problem is not one of physical size, but, as you describe, fear and anxiety.

However, you do need to be quite sure of this, so I very strongly recommend you see a doctor and get checked out - especially if if you have ever had any form of surgery around the vagina.

having got the all clear there, then you must deal with this as a team.

Your husband must stop trying to force entry, which simply increases the pain, which increases the fear, which increases the pain. For a while, just stop trying; find other ways to satisfy eachother - do discuss this first!

Then have him move his penis across the opening, not entering at all - or, if he's willing - have him enter just two inches, no more. Either should be enough to give you pleasure, and help the fear - but do remember that he will find all this very frustrating, so it will be easier for you both if you can find ways of giving him equal pleasure.

There's no short cuts here, just learn to be very gentle with each other and let nature do the rest. But get checked out first.


Please Note: I am NOT a physician, and any 'health advice' should NOT be taken to be "Medical Advice" - because it is not - my aim is to give you a few possibilities to be thinking about, and some general 'common sense' advice - if my advice says see a doctor, then see a doctor!

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