Children and In Laws

Mary wrote:

I have a daughter from a previous marriage who has been adopted by my husband, he also has twins from a previous relationship and we have two children together.

His mother consistantly treats the twins like they are royalty from her actions to her financially purchasing them things, this is starting to cause problems with my children and they dont want anything to do with her.

She also treats the ex-girlfriend better then me and we have had some arguements over this but it seems to go nowhere now she is more supportive of the x-girlfriend than she is of her own son.

I find this very hard to swallow since it hurts my husband. The ex-girfriend makes twice what he makes and is in no way hurting for anything, but my mother inlaw will be guilted into purchasing the twins new coats, clothes and stuff.

Now my husband and my daughter wants to know why Grandma doesnt like her as much, she is only five what do I tell her?

Dear Mary,

You obviously don't like the woman, but you must put that to one side for the sake of the children.

The issue here is about honesty. Your husband adopted your daughter, but his mother did not; the old bag is not, repeat not, your daughter's grandmother. She has not shown any interest in the job, and clearly has no interest in the job description!

Discuss all this with your husband, and come up with an agreement on how this can be managed.

Start being honest; and when the old bag comes around, be elsewhere. It's a large world, you'll find somewhere. Take your daughter somewhere nice.

Never, ever, visit the old bag.

Don't tell the old bag what you are doing - until she asks. Then explain, in words of one syllable, that there is nothing more evil on this planet than an adult who treats one child as 'better' than another. She might resent you - and, who knows, she might have good reason. But she has no right to take it out on the children.