Husband Half Unfaithful

Ophelia wrote:

My husband of 20 plus years tried to have sex with a woman he met about 9 months ago. I say tried because he didn't finish what he started. He tried but things just would not hold up for him.

He says that the woman needs a friend and he feels that he is the one that she needs. He says that he loves me and his family, but he cares for this woman.

He is there for her whenever she calls. She calls him to stop to the store and pick up groceries, etc. and he does. Mind you this is taking away from the funds that we have as a family. He continues to do this, I have tried to take away his access to the funds in our account, but I can't make changes to the direct deposit of his paycheck, only he can do that. I have let him feel the effects of him using our money, phone, gas and electric, water, etc. have been turned off, (they are all in his name) and he still does not see what he is doing.

This woman has a daughter and he has even asked her if he could be her daughter's godfather and of course she agreed. He now feels more responsible to her, he feels that this is a responsibility to the daughter, because he is her godfather. This woman lives with her sister and he has become the male in the household. He takes her home from work everyday and and then checks to see if they need anything. When my husband gets home he feels that I should have things at home taken care of, make sure that the house is cleaned, his clothes are cleaned and pressed, etc. I could go on and on with other things, but I would like to know what to do? I still love my husband and he says he still loves me.

Dear Ophelia

Funny word, Love; what does it mean?

Let's look at the facts. Not only are you sharing your husband, but you are clearly the number two wife. Don't worry that he hasn't yet betrayed you in bed ... it's just a matter of time, isn't it?

Question is, do you love him, are you prepared to put up with this ... what?

Sounds as if he's ignoring all your attempts to stop him. Is he just waiting for you to move out? If so, he's on shakey ground by not just saying so - many would say it looks like consistent, planned cruelty.

You cannot force your husband to be faithful - or to love you. You can force him to behave in an honest, reasonable way, though. But only if you are prepared to stand up for yourself.

See a lawyer about your rights. Start keeping a diary of his movements, his spending, and his reactions when you try to discuss it.