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Dating a 19 year old man

Olivia wrote:

I am a 29 year old single mother of three daughters.10, 11, and 12. I have been divorced for 6 years ... but I have been in one relationship since then that lasted for 2 years and has been over for 2 years ... I own my own home. I make a pretty sizable income. (I am quite independent).

I met a man 19 years old that lives in the state that I grew up in. He does not want children, and of course I do not want anymore. He will be attending college(an art instutute) in three months..which is in the same state that I currently live in ... and he said that he will get a place for himself and work when he moves here ... And these plans were made before he met me .

When I met him initally it seemed like a crazy idea and I gave him the hardest time because of his age. He does tell me flattering things and I know that he feels that way ... and this in no way is influencing me. At first there were reservations because of the age difference, but my girls like him.

I would really like to give this a chance. I just would really hate to miss out on something that could be GREAT. I have always dated older men - this is different but wonderful - 10 ten years is lot but 19 years of age seems a little immature. His conversations are stimulating and he is very intelligent. My biggest concerns are that he is on 19 (not even legal.) and that will he cheat with a younger woman one day. We are talking about a future together. Your advice will be greatly considered.

Dear Olivia

Sounds like a very nice relationship, you are lucky to have found a soul mate who your daughters gate on with. Like you, I am more concerned about his age than the age gap.

Nineteen is very young, once you start talking about settling down. You don't say how experienced he is with women, and you don't give much away about how he feels about settling down, or who is pushing for this.

If he's fairly inexperienced and there are signs of immaturity, then you need to consider that in a very few years, he's going to be sharing a home with four women. You say that neither of you want children; at 19, I am sure he doesn't - suppose that changes in a year or three?

I realise I am being devil's advocate here; these fears may be quite unfounded. But you must consider them.

What's the rush to settle down?

If the pressure to settle down is one of you trying to force the other to 'make a commitment', then there's already a problem that needs sorting - no relationship needs emotional blackmail! And if you both feel you 'need' to settle down and make it 'official', ask yourselves why.

You have a good thing going, why not just let it flow for a good, long while. If it works out, fantastic - if it doesn't, you will have lost less if you keep things simple.

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