Please Grow UP!

Winnie wrote:

I was born into a family of 8. I have 3 older sisters and 3 older brothers. I am the baby sister. At 33, I have my "oldest" sister (42) and her boyfriend (42) and her son (22) living with me. This isn't the first time. I have 3 children of my own. I love them alot but I don't know how to say no when it comes to needing a place to live.

They get evicted often for lack of work and what I believe to be drugs and gambling problems. They'll keep an apartment for six months then they end up back at my apartment. My nephew is an ex-felon. He isn't violent. But he is extremely lazy. He had a very troubled childhood because of my sister not being able to stay on her feet.

Once again I love them and I want to help them. But I can only do so much. I am on a small limited income, single, and again 3 kids. I cannot afford to support 3 adults. My question is "In what healthy, tactful way can I ask them to move out and TO GROW UP?"

Dear Winnie

It's easy the SHOUT HERE - but you've not shouted at them - in fact, you've been part of the problem.

Why should they grow up, when you provide a soft landing every time?

It's much too late now for 'healthy. tactful' approaches, as you well know. it's time for healthy, honest approaches.

Best, probably, to wait until next time they go, then make it clear that you cannot accomodate them again; try to leave them with an alternative offer if you can, to soften the blow. And if you can, fill your apartment so they can see there's no room.

Of course, this time they may not move out - is it that fear that has prompted you to write? Be strong, and stick to your word.

Good Luck!