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Crush or something more?

Eric wrote:

For all of my life I've been this sensitive, shy, pretty good looking guy.I have only wanted to meet the right one and spend the rest of my life with her, I just I want to be with a girl and make her happy for the rest of her life.

I'm serious this was since I was like 10 years old ... being almost 17 now its getting difficult. I hate just dating a girl because it's convienient, or just to use her for you know what.

I hate it when my friends do that, they show no respect at all to a girl. So when I like a person, I dont just like them but I LIKE them.

in 6th grade I finally met a girl who I liked really bad, of course being the shy person I am never said Anything.. so this "crush" lasted for 3 Whole Years, just as the first day I had it... she hated me when she found out I liked her, I couldn't blame her she was in 7th grade and wasn't really into boys.. or me anyway... then later on she moved away... it took me a whole year just to get over her.. I just feel so stupid... and I am a pretty popular cool guy too.

So many girls are trying to go out with me but I wouldn't because of stupid things guys would make fun of me for, like the way they act and stuff. I once turned down the most prettiest girl in school because I thought she was b**ch. I heard it from everybody... that I was too good for anybody.. and my guy friends saying what an idiot (ok and some other things) and how I should have done it just to get some... well... im sorry but thats just not how I feel about love, you know? but mostly because who I am I have never had and or been kissed before in my life... I am literately my own worst enemy.

I live in new york, Every year I go down at least twice on vacation to Virginia to visit most of my family that lives there. Last year my cousin brought one of her friends with her to to this lake house we rent for a week. at first I didn't think anything of her really, well I tried. I mean I thought she was cute n all but then after a few days with her hanging out and talking I really started liking her... (uh-oh) shes the same age as me and we share a lot in common ,etc. I really dont want to get into all the details, but lets just say being with someone your attracted to 24/7 for a whole week has its effects. It hurt bad when I left but we have been keeping in touch on and off for about a year and were good friends... then after trying to push my feelings aside knowing that she lives nine hours away would only hurt more.

So anyway, this summer i was going down again... I wanted to see her, so my cousin kinda knew how much I did. so we hooked up and saw a movie together, its strange though... I feel so in love with her but we act as if we're only really good friends. But I'm the kinda guy to do things slow so I didn't care at the time... but anyways... I left and it hurt more than ever.

However.. I am going to move down there and go to college, believe it or not the same one shes going to. But thats two whole years away. I call her every now and then, chat online we have fun talking and she mentions how much she misses me. I feel so stupid though! So far I haven't done anything at all with her really to seem like a couple or said that much at all to let her know how I feel.

I talk to her often.. never running out of things to say. I called her for her birthday, on her first day of school. I try as much as I can to be a part of her life, but it feels so.. made up. And now I'm not even sure whether I have a chance... I'm so in love with this girl who lives almost 500 miles away. And I'm not even sure she feels the same way!

So... I'm obviously not even willing to date anyone else out of fear that she'll do the same. Should I let her know?? I just dont want to rush things, but in this sort of situation I'm just not sure. I don't want to lose her. she just feels so.. different than all other girls I liked. Its like I just .. KNOW.

I am so sorry for writing on and on like this... but it hurts me so much and I just dont even know if she does at all. Do you think we have a chance..? What should i do???? thank you so much... I just dont understand why no other guys are like this... I feel so, unnormal

Dear Eric,

You can either rejoin the human race, or you can feel sorry for yourself forever.

The feelings and fears you express are not abnormal at all ... the fact that your friends do not go on and on about their insecurities doesn't mean they don't have any.

What's wrong with you is your mixture of arrogance, fear of women, and complete inability to see things from their point of view. You are not 'too good' for anyone - and, having not actually gone out with anyone, you have little excuse for that particular delusion.

Similarly, you have no right to call someone a b**ch, when you have made no effort to get to know her for yourself.

These childish and selfish behaviours may be an attempt to hide your fear, but, more than that, they point to your arrogance. Everyone gets the odd rejection; everyone makes a fool of themselves occasionally. If you don't take the occasional risk, you'll never be hurt - but you'll never know real love.

These aren't random insults - they bring us to your current dilemma. And here again, you are entirely selfish. All you care about is your wants and needs, your inadequacies.

Relationships generally involve two people; look at things as she might see them. And ask yourself how you can make her feel secure, show her that you are good enough for her ....

But, whatever you do, stop thinking you are special - because if you're 17 and have never kissed, you ain't that cool - and, where relationships are concerned, you are not special until the moment she tells you are (without prompting!).

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