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Is she really my friend?

Keith wrote:

I have been friends with a female for 10 years. When we first met I was attracted to her but she turned me down, which I accepted.

We eventually went on to become quite close friends. She moved away to another city but we kept in contact through writing and email. Eventually she came back and we continued our friendship but she clearly became interested in more from me and eventually became very "touchy feely" with me.

I did not respond to her and continued to treat her as I always have, just as a friend. Once again we parted ways but continued to correspond. Recently we got together and the conversation turned to relationships. She asked me if I have ever felt sexual tension with her and I said that yes I thought she was attractive but we are friends and I respected that.

Her response was totally defensive and accused me of seeing too much into her friendship with me. When I confronted her on her clear physical touching and affection in the past she said she was "just horny".

This made me very angry as I felt she was acting self centered.

We again parted ways but continued our correspondence. She then began ending her emails with "I love you and miss you lots" and requested that I visit her (she is currently on assignment on the other side of the world). She also mentioned that she was dreaming about me and our relationship.

I felt that this was out of line and told her that she was playing games and that I would be limiting our future emails. Her response was that she indeed loved me very much but we were just friends and I was the one once again out of line.

We only email occasionally now and it is of course very cold. This bothers me but feel that I am correct in my behavior. What is your thoughts on the situation and what should I do in the future as I feel as though I have lost a old friend.

Is she really my friend??

Dear Keith

Are you really her friend?

Maybe I'm missing something here, but I always thought that relationships can move on - friends can become lovers, there's no law against it.

Your insistence that you are 'Just Friends' as if that is all there is, is either charmingly innocent, very very stupid ... or a matter of both of you feeling attraction, but never at the same time.

Neither of you has the guts to talk about feelings without playing mind games. Silly way to end a friendship, really.

But friendships do end; if it's worn out, stop pretending

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