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Out of State - out of mind

Norma wrote:

My husband has worked out of state for the last year...coming home once a month, and recently we decided to divorce. The problems were there prior to his job moving him, but worsened as time apart grew longer.

We told our 2 kids we our decision to divorce (his choice) because he doesn't know what he wants anymore. Well needless to say two weeks later he calls me crying and decides that he wants to try and make the marriage work, and I joined him for time alone together.

Well on the trip he stated he still doesn't know what he wants. On the trip he also refused to wear his wedding band (not the first time for that either). I feel, his not wearing it is a decision that he doesn't want the marriage. He know's how much wearing the ring means to me. What are your thoughts.

Dear Norma

He'sadmitted that he doesn't know what he wants, but I think you are probably right that his not wearing the ring says more than he has the guts to confess.

But do stop being obsessed with what he wants. What do you want? If you want to try and save the marriage, try to work out what went wrong - and distance is not a full answer, is it?

And do something about it.

If you agree with him, stop playing games, and leave him where he belongs - behind. I cannot sympathise with him - he's being extraordinarily cowardly about the whole business.

But it's hard to help you - when you let him. Both of you need to think about the future, and get on with it. You do not say how old the kids are - but has it occurred how much they may be damaged by this?

Good Luck.

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