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Injured - and I care ...

Tom wrote:

There is a woman that I have become very good friends with these last 8 months or so.

She is a very beautiful woman who has many other qualities that I am seriously attracted to as well. I met her through work and as friends we confide to one another all the time. She was
going through a tremendous rough spell for a while and I was always there to offer advice and lead her in the right direction.

Well, just recently She and I as well as three other friends were in
a car accident and she unfortunately ended up in the worst condition out of all of us. In short, she ended up getting her
hand amputated. Obviously this has bothered her in which anyone can realize why.

I was pretty much with her when she was in the hospital and I was constantly helping out her family and I couldn't understand why I was doing all this. I would usually do anything for my friends
but I would never go to that extreme for any just anybody. I finally realized, out of the blue, that I am in love with her.

Should I stress myself out in telling her how I feel especially with what she is going through? I don't think she has the same mutual feelings of love but she definitely cherishes me as a friend.

I would do anything for her. But I do value the friendship and I wouldn't want to jeopardize that if I were to tell her.

So, I was just wondering what you think about the whole situation.

Dear Tom

I don't wish to undermine your feelings in any way ... but now is just not the time. Her feelings will be cionfused for a good while following the accident - she's never going to forget that, and she needs to get her life together.

Your feelings, more or less, will have been affected too - so you'd be unwise, for your own sake, to say anything you might later regret.

I'm interested that you give no hint as to why or how the accident happened; you need to think seriously about that. Do you blame yourself, or anyone else? For the accident, and your friend's injury? Most people do feel guilt, often inappropriately, after such events, and you need to consider your thoughts.

But the key issue, is that if you do love her, you do not need to burden her with the responsibility of that. Telling her now would be unfair, unhelpful - and possibly the end of your friendship. It'll wait.

Be a friend, that's what she needs right now.

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