I feel like a lost cause

Keith wrote:

I have been so depressed for so long that I am afraid to feel different. I was abused as a child and I like to think I have come to terms with it but is still haunts me.

There was only one person who I completely trusted and loved. She was so wonderful, I was only ever happy when she was around. I did some very stupid things including tell her how I felt about her and things did not go well. I have not seen her for the past 6 years, but I can't move on with my life. Every time I try I can't help but think of how things could of been.

I just sit at home. I just want her out of my head now. I have problems trusting any one which makes relationships and friendships hard to hold on to. I don't go out. the only time I interact with any one is at work. I can't be in crowded places, I get very unsettled when I see women I find attractive. I feel like a lost cause.

Dear Keith

You know that I can't help with problems as deep as yours, so i have to ask why you wrote?

You have a job, you meet people - so that's quite a lot more than many people. You are lonely, as are thousands of other people.

You live in the past ... with your history, perhaps that's understandable.

But you write as if you have no choices at all. You could seek therapy for the abuse, which you blame for your problems. You could simply join a club or two, where you'll get to meet people.

But you have to exercise choice; choice in what you do, choice in who you befriend, choice in how you handle friendship.

It might not be easy; but you know it's possible. You know that there is help available, and you know that no-one can help you unless you choose to accept help - and put in some effort.

I'm NOT saying pull yourself together, because you cannot do it alone - but having written to me, you have acknowledged that you can start the process of being helped.

Go for it!