First Sex Fear

Debbie wrote:

I am 21 and have been together with my current and first boyfriend for almost 4 years. We do all kinds of cuddling and others to make each other orgasm, except the true sex intercourse.

He has been asking for that and I am sure that I want to do it for the first time with him. We both have also discussed that he will be
using condoms, the only problem is that I am very scared about the first sex encounter. We are both virgins.

This problem has persisted for a few years. Everytime I decided that I will let him in, I will be very scared when he's trying to put in his penis. I will automatically put my thighs forward (I m lying on
my back and he's above), preventing him from putting in his penis.

I guess my action of putting my thighs forward is automatic, as if preventing something strange and not familiar to get in my body!

Only recently, I have let him inserted his finger, without me knowing how far he has inserted. Only after that, that he told me he has inserted his finger quite far inside. He has never done this before because I always rejected letting him put in his finger, saying that it hurts.

I am very sure that I am ready for this first sex encounter. I just need to overcome THIS FIRST TIME so that I can enjoy enjoyable sex encounters with him in future.

I love him so much that, I am afraid that one day we might separate for some reason and I still haven't had the experience of
having sex with the person I love most.

Please help me overcome my fear and teach me how to not put my thighs forward. If possible, please reply to my email address. Thank You!!!

Dear Debbie

It's a good thing your body is honest, because your brain isn't!

This defensive move is quite simply because you are scared, you are not ready, you do not want sex, at this time, with this guy.

You seem to think that sex is all about you enjoying yourself - never forget there are two of you. If you spent a little time considering how to give him a good time, you might spend a little less getting wound up about your own good time.

Giving you a good time is *his* job - so help him. Instead of making up all this rubbish about hurting, guide him and work with him to achieve something together .

And get used to to condoms - have him wear one all the time, first for safety, second so you get used to the idea - and third, so he's ready when you are.

But the big issue is honesty. If you cannot work out what it is you are afraid of, you have no business being in bed with this guy.