First Sex Fear
I am 21 and have been together with my current and first boyfriend for
almost 4 years. We do all kinds of cuddling and others to make each other
orgasm, except the true sex intercourse.
He has been asking for that and I am sure that I want to do it for the
first time with him. We both have also discussed that he will be
using condoms, the only problem is that I am very scared about the first
sex encounter. We are both virgins.
This problem has persisted for a few years. Everytime I decided that
I will let him in, I will be very scared when he's trying to put in his
penis. I will automatically put my thighs forward (I m lying on
my back and he's above), preventing him from putting in his penis.
I guess my action of putting my thighs forward is automatic, as if preventing
something strange and not familiar to get in my body!
Only recently, I have let him inserted his finger, without me knowing
how far he has inserted. Only after that, that he told me he has inserted
his finger quite far inside. He has never done this before because I always
rejected letting him put in his finger, saying that it hurts.
I am very sure that I am ready for this first sex encounter. I just
need to overcome THIS FIRST TIME so that I can enjoy enjoyable sex encounters
with him in future.
I love him so much that, I am afraid that one day we might separate for
some reason and I still haven't had the experience of
having sex with the person I love most.
Please help me overcome my fear and teach me how to not put my thighs
forward. If possible, please reply to my email address. Thank You!!!
It's a good thing your body is honest, because your brain isn't!
This defensive move is quite simply because you are scared, you are not
ready, you do not want sex, at this time, with this guy.
You seem to think that sex is all about you enjoying yourself - never
forget there are two of you. If you spent a little time considering how
to give him a good time, you might spend a little less getting wound up
about your own good time.
Giving you a good time is *his* job - so help him. Instead of making
up all this rubbish about hurting, guide him and work with him to achieve
something together .
And get used to to condoms - have him wear one all the time, first for
safety, second so you get used to the idea - and third, so he's ready
when you are.
But the big issue is honesty. If you cannot work out what it is you are
afraid of, you have no business being in bed with this guy.