Older Woman Younger Man

Maggie wrote:

I am 46. I am attractive, intelligent, very caring and have a fun personality. I married my high school sweetheart in high school and had my children young, they are now 28 and 24. I have been divorced for many years.

11 months ago I met a man who is 15.5 years my junior. Never in a million years could I have imagined myself in this position. He was the pursuer and we have been dating each other exclusively. It is an awesome realtionship, we are very much in love. He is smart, successful, great personality and very handsome.

The age issue was hard to overcome initially, today everything is fine but what will it be like in 20 years. I got some therapy and asked everyone what they thought and no one seemed to have a problem with it, not even my kids. I look good for my age, trully a decade younger than I am. He wants kids, I can't have any but have agreed to adopt.

Great relationship, great sex, great connection on the spiritual level and we have the same hobbies. The problem, he told me last night that he does not like my stomach. It concerns him as to if he will have wandering eyes later. He told because he wanted me to know what his concerns were, he wanted to be honest. He wanted my feedback.

I told him that my physical peak is behind me, and that if it bothers him that much then he should seek a partner his own age. I am not fat but I am not buff either. I have had 2 kids and several surgeries so I have the stretch marks, flabby skin, and surgery scars. I don't like my stomach either. But there is only so much that can be done. He asked me if I would be willing to have a tummy tuck and get breast implants.

I feel like that if he really loved me he would not be so focused on my physical flaws, I am not bragging, but I am very attractive otherwise. What is up with this? I am afraid that he will later regret marrying an older woman with saggy skin and giving up the chance to have his own kids.

Dear Maggie

We live in an age when 'perfect bodies' are paraded in front of us almost constantly, and I know you are not surprised to have him talk this way - as you say, he's being honest with his thoughts.

What you need to know - before getting in a corner you cannot get out of - is how much this matters to him.

How much does this matter to him, and why? Is he simply concerned at what he sees as 'fixable imperfections' or does he really have a problem.

Or do you?

Remember that for many people now, plastic surgery is really very routine, while it wasn't 15.5 years ago!

Try to see this in the context of him being a man, and try to work out what the issue really is. But don't assume the worst, or you'll make it happen.

Peter Adds:

I am a 38 year old male who has always found older women so much more alluring than younger ones. Much more mature,
sexy, and attractive.

When I was 28, I dated a woman that was 42 and it was absolutely wonderful. She too had scars on her stomach from child birth but it did not bother me at all. With time and gravity, we all change. But I loved her for who she was inside and even with the scars, she was still very sexy and attractive to me.

So this man needs to ask himself if it is your body that he is attracted to or you as a person.

You sound wonderful to me, I think he is extremely lucky to have someone like you.