Low Self Esteem Ruining Possible Marriage

Kaydee wrote:

I hope you can give me advice, I need it desperately.

I have hangups about being nude. I feel very unattractive when I take my clothes off in front of my boyfriend.

I have struggled with my weight for a couple of years and I don't consider myself to be large but I am now unhappy about my appearence.

My boyfriend enjoys seeing me nude, but I cant stand it and I am scared that he will one day get fed up with my lack of self esteem.
He has asked me to marry him and I can't bring my self to say yes. I want to with all my heart, but we argue now over the issue and I can't seem to reach an agreement to this issue with him.

I feel horrible! I am so scared to lose him over this. If you have any advice, I would be very grateful.

Dear Kaydee

You might well lose him, because there's no way he's going to understand your view.

He will see that in some way you do not trust him, and this image thing is a cover. Let's hope he's wrong - because if you don't trust him, you'd be crazy to marry him, that would ruin your self esteem forever.

You need to start by being honest about this matter; what really *is* the problem?

Then you must decide if this is your problem or your boyfriend's - because you do give the impression that you expect miracles from him, and hold him guilty for failing to supply them.

1. Few people can boast the perfect body - or even an approximation of it. Learn that and believe it.

2. Relationships depend on much more than appearance - let alone naked appearance.

3. If your man tells you he likes to see you naked, and you choose not to believe him ... whose problem is that?

and finally ...

4. I'm not suggesting you see an analyst, but it might be worth you thinking about this fear - how long have you had it, when did it start, why did it start? But be very honest with yourself.