Guilt Over Lost Friend?

Lori wrote:

My closest friendship (of 20 years) ended when I begain dating after being single for many years.

My friend and I worked together, went fun places, and shared life's problems. Once I fell in love with my future husband and spent most of my time with him, she turned on me. She also became my boss at my job, and there was open hostility between us.

I eventually gave up my job and moved on. We now pass and repass socially, but too many harsh words have been spoken. I genuinely care for her and miss her the way she was before. I feel the loss deeply.

Is this a disappointment Ishould accept or should I attempt to recultivate the friendship. She has other friends, and so do I, so that's not the problem. My husband says to forget it.

What is your take on this?

Dear Lori

Looking back very is rarely a positive move, and I wonder why you 'feel the loss deeply'.

From your account, you neglected your friend when you met your man; that alone may have caused her resentment - but it may be that events in her life at that time meant she really needed a friend - your disinterest may have looked like betrayal.

Who knows?

Either way, the fallout has been reinforced over the years, and it is unlikely that it can be fixed - you certainly cannot turn back the clock. It is always possible that you can forge a new friendship; but that is up to you.

Can you do it for her sake - or does it have to be for yours?