Out of the closet, into ...

Delia wrote:

I'm a 15 year old lesbian who just came out to everyone. Including my best friend, who happens to be a girl.

I have the biggest crush on her, I've never felt this way before. I think I may acutely in love. She tells me everything and I tell her everything. She is really cool about my being gay, and she has said herself that she's not sure yet, she's 'still finding out who she is' in her own words. I don't know how to tell her that I like her more than best friends.

Everytime she looks in my eyes or her hand brushes my skin I get this tingly feeling. She's like no one I have ever met before, she's the most beautiful, intelligent, articulate, kind (etc. the list is a mile long) And yes I have had 'dirty' thoughts about her, in my dreams or just day dreaming. She's everywhere to me, especially in my dreams. My ma always knows when I'm thinking about her because I get this stupid grin on my face (so she says). When she tells me that something is wrong, she's in a bad mood, or she had a bad day; I get this urge to hold her and comfort her.

But I'm afraid of scaring her away, if I come on to her. I think she already knows I'm attracted to her, just by the little statements she makes that concerns me or just the two of us. And I know from her past relationships that she doesn't like someone thats too fresh with her, they scared her off. Personally I think she just as gay as I am, she acts the same way around boys as I do and thinks of them in the same (I know she has to decide this out on her own) But she's got me thinking about her constantly, she's in my every thought and dream. But she don't know how I feel. I'm crazy for her. What do I do? How do I let her know how I feel?

Dear Delia

There's no way of avoiding it, you must ask her. And if your friendship is as strong as you say, it really won't be a problem.

Of course you must be tactful; you need to reassure her that however she feels, your friendship is what counts ... and you need to be sure that that's true. Rejection hurts, but in this case, you were friends before you came out, so she wouldn't be rejecting you - merely keeping things as she knows them.

Do consider why the subject has not already come up (I's have thought it would have been part of your coming out out conversation).

Is she avoiding the topic, or are you?

If it's you, do get on with it!

If she is, it may be that she's unsure of her own feelings - respect that; she's entitled to be unsure for several years yet, and you'll destroy the friendship if you disrespect her feelings.

So far as your friendship is concerned, nothing needs to change - if you choose to try and change it, do be prepared for her not necessarily agreeing.