Eight years as a mattress
Okay, I've got one for you! I have been friends with a guy for eight
years. Well, more than friends actually. We actually dated for about two
months initially. It was at that time, eight years ago, that he knew I
would never be the woman for him.
Through the years though we have remained friends. We have had great
times and awful times. I have always listened to him tell me that he can't
count on anyone and that he doesn't need anyone. This disturbed me because
I don't agree.
So, through the years I accepted a lot of crap from him (in the way he
treated me) to show him that someone who is your friend is not going to
simply walk away because you are not perfect. From his point of view he
said this is weak. I made a conscious decision, so I don't see that it
was weak. I was trying to be a good friend.
Now, the other issue is that we have been friends with benefits. It was
great because from my point of view there were no strings and we were
still friends. I understood that he saw it the same way. Well, over time
he ended up sleeping with me while he was dating someone else. He did
this to at least four different occasions.
So, now he wants to change and not do this to the women he dates. In
making this change he has decided he can't have me in his life if he wants
a "healthy" relationship. I said it was fine if we didn't have
sex. I am willing to respect his relationship since his friendship is
what matters to me.
He says even that's not possible because he doesn't want his girlfriend
to ever question him about me. I said but, wouldn't it be more satisfying
if she asked and he could look her in the face and say that while I am
in his life, there is NOTHING going on sexually? He said no.
The next thing I found out was that he was dating a girl long distance
for most of last year. She had previously been a friend of mine. He didn't
tell me that they had a "thing" for over a year. He admitted
part of the reason was because he didn't want to lose me (i.e his sex
partner that was not long distance).
Once he told me about them we stopped having sex. Which was more his
choice than mine. Well, until Christmas that girl was supposed to move
here and live with him. Then he nixed that over the holidays because he
had a new long distance girlfriend.
He also told me recently that he has sex with another female friend last
fall, while he was dating the first long distance girl. So, why is he
nixing me from his life, when apparently he can cheat on his girlfriends
with women other than me?
I really shouldn't want this man in my life, but I just can't seem to
get over how little my friendship has mattered considering how much I
have done for him through the years. I feel like I deserve better from
him as I wasn't like everyone else and just walked away.
Oh, and which of us do you think is crazier??
You, I'm afraid.
He's a selfish louse; he's been happy to use your body and bend your
mind for eight years; who knows why he wants to stop ... I guess because
he's working his way through your address book, and doesn't want too many
But you - You've given away eight years of your life. You've successfully
fooled yourself into this 'friendship thing' where really, you did want
Yes you did - else you'd be pleased this dirty episode was over.
By now, you should be desperate to drop this scum, who has used you as
a mattress for eight of your prime years, not trying to second guess his
lazy selfish mind (what's there to secoind guess? pick the most selfish
option, that's where he'll be).
Get a life; move on.