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Husband watching porn ...

Kathy wrote:

So my husband lied to me about ordering some porno movies from cable.

I finally asked him outright and he told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings. It was just a guy thing and had nothing to do with our relationship.

He said he was afraid that by telling me it would make me insecure. How mad should I be? He swears this is the only thing he has ever lied to me about. What should I do.

We have been together for four years married for two. I dont want to throw anything away but I am angry and hurt.

Dear Kath,

But what are you upset about? the porn or the lying?

Or the fact that you don't know him as well as you thought.

If it's porn, that worries you, then you need to calm down and talk about it - it doesn't bite; and it's not the end of the world. Many millions of men, the world over, buy and use porn.

What really matters is that something has changed since you got married. But what? Does he need porn now, where he did not before? Why might that be?

It also matters that he's lying. But is his explanation, in all its sadness, quite reasonable, given that you have got to the point of threatening to end your marriage?

What is really the problem?

Like so many issues, this is one to get clear in your head, and then talk to him. Better late than never.

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