Is The Marriage Over?

Denise wrote:

A few weeks ago I found some condoms in my husband's jacket. Prior to this finding he told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted in life i.e. the marriage and children.

We were trying to work it out when I found the condoms. I did confront him about them and he said that one night he was really drunk and had an offer and bought them in a pub from a vending machine in the toilet but once he had them in his hand he realised what a idiot he was and came straight home to me, which I am slightly dumbstruck about.

I don't think he's cheating and he says he's not but a few things have lead me to be very unsure of how much he tells me is the truth. He goes out at the weekend with his mates and has had a few offers from women which he has told me about and he has found hard it very tempting, but would never go through with it.

We have been married for 9 months now and have a child and currently expecting another any day now.

I dont know if our relationship is over or if he is having problems with dealing with another child coming along so soon after the marriage. He says he loves me and doesn't want it to end or to be with anyone else, but with him acting so negectively towards me its hard to think he really means it.

We have been together for eleven years and were very young when we got together (14 years old) but surely after such a long time it would be stupid to throw it all away.

I really do believe that if he had slept or is sleeping or seeing another that he would not be able carry on pretending he wants me, but in the back of my mind I wonder if its because of the baby and I am just fooling myself into believing what I want to believe.

Dear Denise

Let's get this straight; you've had eleven years to plan your lives, and you are expecting your second baby after eleven months of marriage; your husband is almost certainly being unfaithful - he's certainly lying to you, and well you know it.

This may (or may not) come as a surprise to you, but most men dream of getting 'offers' all the time - if it does happen, he's making it happen.

And if you have any kind of marriage - with one child and another on the way - what's he doing out all the time on the hunt?

Of coure we can make excuses for the poor dear - he can't stand the pressure of the second pregnancy, let alone fatherhood ... and so on.

But if he has a defence, that lies in your behaviour. And even if you have been giving him a hard time, that does not explain, let alone excuse, the lies.

I have to say, the signs are not good, and I find myself asking 'Why did you marry him?'