I feel dead from the waist down

Ingrid wrote:

I am not in a relationship but me and a friend have sex and that is it. He asks me what I want and I don't know what I want and I feel that I am dead from the waist down.

I never enjoyed sex before I met him. How do I find out what I want and ask for it cause I am very shy to ask for what I want when it comes to sex.

I really don't know what I like cause I don't know what there is to try and I am afraid to ask for what I want even if I knew that.

Please Help..

Dear Ingrid

If he cares for you, then he should be giving you the space - and the confidence - for you to talk about your feelings and desires.

However, for many people, a relationship is the foundation of good sex; you are having a sterile relationship; whatever you are doing, it is, in effect, simply a form of masturbation.

Worse, he may be (perhaps unconsciously) simply using you.

You might find it useful to stop this unloving relationship, and start thinking about human, not sexual, relationships. Or are you afraid to?