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First lesbian relationship

Toni wrote:

Well, I 'll get right to it. About two and a half months ago my best friend of a year kissed me. It was something I would've never imagined or been open to and she felt the same way, but yet it was so right.

We've been together ever since and I'm more happy with her than anyone I 've ever been with. I truly do love her in everyway I could love someone.

But now that things have begun to settle down, she's having serious doubts on what she really wants. We have to keep our relationship a secret, because although we're both legal we're still young and both our parents would flip.

I know she loves me and I had the same doubts she does now, so what can I do to help her understand that I am there for her and that together we can make a secret relationship work, even though it is stressful?

Please help, I really don't want to lose her!

Dear Toni

First relationships are always problematic; secret relationships are not easy, and on top of that, you have the reflection of all sorts of fears and predjudices. Not easy.

I'm tempted to say "what more can you do?", as you obviously care, and you seem genuinely concerned for her feelings anf future, not just your own.

There is a little bit in the corner, however.

I might be quite wrong here, but you've told me little about yourself or your partner; I'm reading an assumption - I don't know how serious - that she responds to pressures in the same way you do; her feelings for you are identical to yours for her.

Not so.

Keep talking, keep letting her know you are there for her .. but explore the differences. It may be that pressures you have not noticed are giving her grief. It may be that she is not feeling all those pressures, she's simply getting sick of your untidiness.

I don't know. But you do, you just need to make it conscious and face it.

Good luck.

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