Trying to be friends again
A few monthes ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We broke up because of
wanting different things out of our romantic relationship.
We had a long term casual dating relationship, which I had wanted to
make exclusive and he did not. So we split.
We still care about each other, and have tried to remain friends. I say
"tried," because we fight constantly, mostly because I get very
angry with him. I feel very oversensitive to everything he says, and I
know that sometimes I'm just being ridiculous, selfish, and childish.
But I get so angry I just feel like I can't stop myself.
I feel like we need distance for a while. However, we share the same
group of friends. So my choice is often to see him (in a group situation)
or stay home alone. I've tried staying home alone alot, but I get very
lonely and upset and end up calling him up and starting a fight.
I don't want to divide our friends or anything like that, but I do end
up wishing I could hang out with them without him there.
I need advice on how to cope with all this, particularly being angry
and oversensitive. I want us to be friends. But I need help dealing with
all my anger and sadness.
You are trying very hard to be honest and reasonable, and that takes
courage. Many people in your position would be throwing blame and denial
in all directions.
However, the undercurrent of your note denies some of your story.
You say you are trying to be friends. Really? I'm afraid it sounds to
me as if you want him back, badly.
You say you don't want to divide your friends, but you seem happy to
be a an embarassment on a regular basis.
If this carries on, has it not occurred that they might choose to hang
out without you there?
Being reasonable and logical is a brave first step, but it is not enough.
You need to exercise a little self control. No-one should ever be aware
that you still worship him. Least of all him.
Few men are worth losing your friends over, and no man is worth losing
your self respect over.
Walk tall, walk away. You'll live, I am certain.