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I'm in love with my 'close' friend

Ben wrote:

Need help. I have known this girl for about eight months and in that time period, we have become very close friends, where she tells me anything she has problems with and I do likewise.

The problem is, I have fallen in love with her, and would have no worries about telling her how I feel about her except that she has a boyfriend of about five months.

Do I tell her my feelings, as I feel I really need to, even though this could damage our friendship if I do, I don't know. Or do I somehow try and keep it to myself. Do you think if I tell her this could become really awkward?

I want to see her happy. I just wish I could see that if she was with me instead of her boyfriend. I don't know if she has any clue as to how I feel. Not knowing what to do, need advice.

Dear Ben,

The world needs more people like you; people who are prepared to live in a fantasy world, ignoring reality if it dares to challenge the cosy little world you've made.

Wake up!

Your ability to self deceive is only beaten by your almost unbelievable arrogance.

You mention that she has a boyfriend; some might see this as an issue; not you. You haven't even noticed whether it's a 'good' relationship - is she happy? Are they a perfect couple ... or are they falling apart. It matters, you know.

You've also failed to mention her feelings for you; you may well be good friends, but has she shown any signs of wanting more? Have you even thought about her feelings?

"I want to see her happy" you say - but offer no clue as to why she might be happier with you than her boyfriend.

Ben, let's be honest - you have not fallen in love with her ... you've fallen in lust. Once you've accepted that, the problem will look very different, and the answer will be staring you in the face.

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30 November 2016  |     |  Contact