My son, drink and drugs ...

Erin wrote:

MY 22 YEAR OLD SON HAS BEEN MARRIED AND DIVORCED.SINCE THE DIVORCE AT AGE 21 HE HAS BECOME ADDICTED TO OXYCONTIN (OPIATE) AND HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM.

HE HAS TOLD MANY MANY LIES HAS STOLEN MONEY AND ITEMS TO BE PAWNED FROM FAMILY MEMBERS. HE AGREED TO GO TO DETOX WHICH WAS A PROGRAM THAT WAS TO LAST 10-12 DAYS HE ONLY STAYED 3 DAYS AND SAYS HE IS DETOXED.

HE IS CURRENTLY STAYING WITH ME I STAY TERRIFIED OF WHAT HE MAY DO NEXT OR IF
HE IS STILL USING DRUGS.

HE HAS NOT BEEN ABLE TO KEEP A JOB FOR LONGER THAN 3 WEEKS FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS. DO YOU SEND YOUR SON TO THE STREET WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH??

I LIVE IN FEAR AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IT SEEMS THAT HE WOULD DO CLOSE TO ANYTHING TO OBTAIN MONEY BUT NOT WORK FOR IT.

DO I SUPPORT HIM, DO I SAY GET OUT AND MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TAKEN
ADVANTAGE OF ME LONG ENOUGH. HE HAS STOLEN FROM ME AND MY FRIENDS, I CANNOT
TRUST MY SON ... ALTHOUGH I STILL LOVE HIM VERY MUCH.

PLEASE HELP ME ARE THERE ANY RESOURCES TO TURN TO FOR ADVICE FOR FAMILIES OF DRUG ADDICTS? I CANNOT COPE MUCH LONGER!!
PLEASE HELP!

Dear Erin

First, don't panic .. there is a way forward.

Second, please don't write all in caps - it's almost unreadable, even after I've added paragraph breaks.

Third ... The Problem

I can understand that you are feeling desparate, and in fear. The essential is to remain calm and think all this through.

Ultimately, you are going to have to make some hard decisions, and you cannot do that without courage and calmness.

Of course you love your son - but the person you are dealing with is simply not your son, though he looks like him and shares some of his memories. This person is a stranger who has taken over your son and has imprisioned him deep in his own body.

Help your son find freedom - but do not help his kidnapper.

Why would you let this person live in your home?
Why would you let this person lie and steal?
Why would you let this person abuse your son?

Throw him out; send him away, if he abuses your hospitality, as if he was a friend of your son turned bad.

But remember he has your son prisoner - tell him you love your son, tell him him you will be willing to help your son, once he has started to try to escape. But not until then - helping now just prolongs his imprisonment.