Her Past Tortures Me
Hello. Can you please help
me with a problem I'm having with my relationship, its going to make us split
up for good unless I can find a solution to it.
My current girlfriend (nearly
two years now) used to go out with my best friend for a short while, a few months
before I started going out with her.
She really used to like him, and I
can remember when I used to see them together, which sticks in my mind and tortures
me day and night.
Although they didn't have intercourse they did do other
things, which I was not aware of until a few months into the relationship, and
when I confronted her about this, she denied it, until I told her I knew, she
then said she was denying it because she was embarassed.
I know that I should
have thought about these things before I started seeing my girlfriend, but when
you first start seeing someone your feelings aren't as strong, and things don't
matter as much until stronger feelings develop.
I am getting really depressed
because of this and its starting to effect my everyday life, I cant stop thinking
about it, please can you give me some advice?
My girlfriend says it was
just a childish thing at the time and it didn't mean anything, as she was just
fifteen at the time. She said she only did these things as she felt forced too.
And the reason she liked him was just a stupid childish 'thing' that didnt mean
Shes really upset now that I've told her I can't go out with
her anymore because of this, and says she can't live without me and that I am
the only person she's ever loved, and that she'd rather be dead than be without
I know that whats happened is in the past, but it is hard when the
past involves a good friend, who I still see every day at work.
ever there when me and my girlfriend are together I can't help wondering if they
are thinking of when they used to be together, I know it sounds paranoid and insecure,
but thats just the way I feel.
As you can see I am really confused at the
moment and I would appreciate any advice you could e-mail back to me as soon as
You did right to tell you can no longer
see her ... you'll never be able to trust her, so though it might hurt her now,
she's much better off without you.
The fact you told her, not for her benefit,
but because of your jealousy is a little worrying, isn't it?
Point is, what
she did - or did not - before you were going out is absolutely, totally, completely
none of your business. And you know it.
You've lost her through jealousy (oh,
yes you have) - imagine as you grow older, you'll meet women who've had several
boyfriends. Do you propose to torture them too?
What could the poor girl do?
She cannot undo the past, and How Dare You make her apologise for it. And How
Dare You discuss her behaviour with others?
If you ever want to keep a girlfriend
- and earn their respect (there's a little more to a relationship than sex, but
I digress), then you need to face this green eyed monster and defeat it.
is not your fault - but enjoying it, and not dealing with it, is your fault.
with this thought ... You do not own your girlfriend, let alone her past ... she
is lending you some of her present. And, if you prove worthy, a chunk of her future.