Baby and Two Families

Delia wrote:

I have a problem with both families.

Since my husband and I had the baby four months ago both families have went crazy!!!

They call at all hours of the night, they tell us what to do with the baby , how to dress the baby , what religion the baby should be and get this they even tell us that we should
feed him food and I should stop breastfeeding him.

My husbands grandmother wants us to bring the baby to CA so that the rest of the family can see him for Christmas this year and next year. We live in VA and we simply cannot afford this at all!!!

First question how do you tell an old woman that we can't do this so she will stop asking.

How do you explain to her that during these tring times in the world today, it's not safe anywhere... and why would she even want her great grandchild to be in such awful maddness at an airport at only 4 months old.

Anon please help me , please I am begging you to give me advice.

Last of all his great grandmother calls me telling me what I should do medical wise for the baby. Please note I am a medical professional of 10 years.

Dear Delia

Ouch!

Families, who needs them? trouble is, of course, they love you, and they love the baby, and they want a piece of the action.

On another level, families are very competitive, and they'll fight to the death for the upper hand, even if baby is in the middle - without ever realising that they're doing it.

You need to sort this now, or they'll be a tug of war with you and bay in the middle forever!

First, sit down with your husband, make sure he understands what's going on, because you are going to need his help.

You and your husband decide what you are going to do this Christmas, as well as feeding, clothing, etc., then devide up responsibility for dealing with it.

For example, it might be an idea not to answer the phone at night - or for your husband to do it. A few tetchy calls to him, not getting to you at all, and they'll learn!

Be straight about what you are going to do, and don't promise next year ("who knows about next year!").

Do try to be fair with both families .. but be selfish, for the baby's sake, and be firm. Not easy - but vital now, or it'll only get worse.